I’m not doing anything today. Other than this, and submitting an application for something, though it’s pretty much done – I just need to read it over and click “Submit” – I plan on spending the day in much the same way a basset hound/beagle might, except I will probably be awake for more of it. Maybe I’ll go out and buy a scale.
I think I mentioned The Pillow Book before; I was thinking about it earlier today when I realized that if Sei Shonagon were alive today, she would probably be writing a blog. What is a blog, anyone, but a random collection of anecdote, observation, lists of things, poetry, and invective? So in the spirit of thousand-year-old Japanese literary forms, here is a list of things I don’t like:
Things I don’t like:
1. Eyebrow piercings.
2. Buttons with jocular phrases on them – “I’m only bitchy on days ending in Y!” Yeah, it’s fucking hilarious. HA HA HA.
3. Canadian novels about growing up ___________ in _____________. Fill in the first blank from this list: Japanese, gay, poor, a hippie, psychic, American, extra-terrestrial, and the second blank from this: Newfoundland, Vancouver Island, the Yukon, a small Northern Ontario mining town, a hippie commune in the 60’s, a tony upper-class suburb, a convent. These books usually have mysterious, evocative titles (“The sand of silence”) and feature a close-up photo of an insect in their cover art. Reviews and blurbs always include the words “searing”, “wry humour”, and “impactful”.
4. Podcast advertising. I know, podcasters don’t get paid to podcast (usually), so I won’t complain too much, but there’s something about it…OK, shutting up now.
5. In the same vein: calling writings, music, and broadcasts “content”. I hate that. “Content delivery” sounds so corporate and soulless.
6. Poor diction. Please, people, PRONOUNCE THE LETTER T. It is a consonant, not a glottal stop. It uses your tongue and your teeth. That’s all.
7. Astrology. I don’t need to explain this one.
8. Canadian passive-aggressiveness. I also sort of love this, but it can be annoying. I just watched a hilarious documentary about David Icke in Vancouver. He gets thrown out of bookstores and radio stations, all the time playing up his oppression for the camera. “Don’t you know, you’re throwing away your own freedoms?” he raves at the poor goons at the front desk. And all the goons can say is, “Thanks for coming in. Please, I don’t think this is very productive.” I wish someone would just stand up and yell, “Get the fuck out of here, you insane freak!”
9. Not winning the lottery.
10. People who drive everywhere, then complain about the traffic.
11. Styrofoam meat packaging.
12. Unfriendly hipsters.
13. Purses with no internal pockets.
15. Music books that are deliberately a little bigger than standard paper sizes. This is sort of a brick-and-mortar form of DRM – making the music a little harder to photocopy to discourage illegal copying and sharing. There’s even a music publisher that prints everything in light red ink just to make it harder to photocopy. But music photocopying is ESSENTIAL for the practice of music: even if you own the score, you have to photocopy it so you can mark it up and carry it around (along with all the other stuff you’re working on) to lessons and coachings and rehearsals. So just like DRM, it inconveniences legitimate users and fails to discourage abuse. And it’s especially galling when the music in question is by a composer who’s been dead for 250 years.
16. The number of calories in Starbucks’ Low-Fat Cranberry Muffins.
17. Not having a funny item with which to round off a list.
Things I do like:
1. Blog comments.
2. Australia. Not that I’ve ever been there, but I’ve been listening to lots of Australian podcasts and it sounds awesome. Yes, there are thousands of deadly animals and plants, but Christmas is in the middle of the summer, and you can bring your dogs to bars.
3. Central heating. I really, really like this.
4. The Doctor’s Night Guard. I just got one of these because my jaw’s been getting tense again and messing up my whistle register. I used to have a proper, dentist-fitted night guard, but Madeline ate it a while ago and I never got another one, because they cost at minimum $300. The drugstore version costs $30, and seems to work just as well. It’s an awesome improvement.
5. Small, cute boxes.
6. Dogs. Especially mine, but other people’s are good too.
7. The Hitler-RickRoll video.
10. The details of Mormon theology. Same with Scientology.
11. Not watching reality TV.
13. Online music publishers. You can pay to download the sheet music of a song for under five dollars, and a lot of them just give you the file as a PDF with no restrictions.
14. The Internet in general.
15. Ebooks. Not the expensive ones, though.
16. Eating breakfast. I should have done that today. I’m getting hungry, and it’s almost time for lunch. Fortunately, though, through the magic of the slow cooker, I’ve already made dinner. Maybe I’ll go out for lunch. Then buy a scale. 17. Spending a whole day goofing off. So. Time to get on with my goofing off.
There’s a couch that crying out for someone to lie on it, and a dog or two on it that needs someone to hang out with.
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