In – I think – 2006, before I really started doing coloratura rep, I sang Mozart’s “Exsultate, Jubilate” at a concert on Manitoulin Island with the Silverbirch String Quartet. This being my first real foray into singing things originally written for castrati (no, really!), I had a really hard time learning it. Now, of course, it seems almost too easy. (What do you mean, it only goes up to C?) But at the time I was absolutely banging my head against the wall trying to learn it.
About 10 days before the show I freaked out. “I’m never going to get it!” I said to Ben. “I suck! I should just quit!”
“Kristin, you do this before every show,” Ben said.
Of course I was highly offended. I was certain I had never felt that way before. So I called my friend Wendy to complain, and her response was:
“Well, you *do* do that every time.”
And, on further reflection, I realized that I did. That I do. And it always feels like the first time.
So what’s the point? Why am I writing about this?
I have lots to do and no desire to do anything. I feel confused and directionless and unsure of what I’m doing. I also feel a strong desire to sit around watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer (but I can’t because it’s not on Netflix). Does this happen to me every year around now, when my season is pretty much over and I have only long-term projects to prepare for?