Hi. I’m the cyclist in the orange coat who flummoxed you so badly on Friday afternoon.
The first time was understandable. You were making a three-point turn on a fairly busy street – why, I cannot say, but I’m assuming from your Alberta plates that you’re either a visitor or a new Torontonian and you didn’t know where you were going – and you waited for a gap in the traffic. Except me.
Apparently I don’t count as traffic.
So I stopped halfway up a goddamn hill and waited for you to figure out what the hell you were doing, cursing under my breath. When you noticed me (finally!) and motioned for me to pass you on the right (on the right? Really?) I rolled my eyes and went ahead, hoping the “Encounters with the Clueless” portion of the day was over.
Then as I was halfway up the next hill you reappeared and started to turn right right in front of me, once again cutting me off. This time I motioned for you to go ahead, waited, and started my climb up the hill again.
Now I’m not going to give you a big lecture because, as I said, you are clearly new here and don’t understand the traffic mores of a big city, but let me give you one – no, two pieces of advice.
1: DON’T EVER FUCKING DO THAT AGAIN. Either of them. Wait your goddamn turn and don’t cut cyclists off, especially on the way up a hill. (You do know that bicycles are powered by human legs, right?) It’s really very simple – if you would not make the turn if there were a car coming, don’t make the turn if there’s a cyclist coming.
2: To help you with this, I suggest you obtain a bicycle – preferably by legal means – and ride it on a few small errands. You don’t have to do your daily commute on it, but take it down to the drugstore or the bikini waxing place or the hypnotherapist’s. Trust me, it will make you all kinds of aware of how the behaviour of idiotic uninformed and inexperienced drivers affects cyclists and pedestrians.
In closing, let me note that this is not just for my safety but your own. Not that there are hordes of violent cyclists roaming the streets looking for someone to beat up, but there are cyclists who have been known to, say, smash your mirror with their lock if you do something like what you did. Especially if you do it twice.
Other than that, I’m sure you’re a very nice person and will love it here. Welcome!
Kristin the non-violent vegan who would cheerfully have slapped you