1: You’ve heard this before – Western people think of time as being linear, African people think of time as relational (one thing happening at the same time as another), and Eastern people think of time as cyclical. Yeah, total hippy bullshit. However, I am beginning to think that time really IS cyclical, because I seem to be reliving the same things over and over again. I have an experience, a revelation, make a decision, have another experience, another revelation, make…the same decision I made before. Life is cyclical. Weird.
2: Because of this, and in spite of my high IQ and general wittiness, the only manner I seem to be capable of learning in is hardest possible: through repeated blows from a clue hammer. Not always fun, but one hopes eventually it will stick.
3: And every time instead of getting easier, it gets harder, because the older you are the more you invest in things, and the more precious your time is. Because there’s less of it, so the ratio of time spent:remaining years of my life is much smaller than it was, say, ten years ago.
All of this being my way of saying that I feel confused and frustrated by my work – still – in spite of the cycle of success, failure, decision, revelation, ennui, what have you that I keep repeating, and in spite of the positive slogans that I make up to repeat to myself.
But I’m sure it will pass, and I’ll post something almost exactly like this in, oh, I don’t know, six months or a year.