Yesterday evening I was walking the dogs and we past a local bar that seemed to be holding some kind of function. It turned out to be a Green Party fundraiser/meeting.
Gus, while he doesn’t like the kind of parties that involve strangers coming to your house and making you stay up late, was taken by the idea of a political party, and has founded his own party with him as leader and Madeline as deputy: The Hound Party.
Personally I find their platform quite convincing.
The Hound Party Manifesto
Sausages for all!
The Hound Party represents a new direction in Canadian politics: one that stands for justice for all citizens, both human and canine. But not cats.
Our policies address issues not normally considered by mainstream parties. When the Hound Party comes to power:
– Every hound in the nation will be provided with a minimum of 1 (one) sausage per day
– Those little tiny breakfast sausages will count only as 0.33 of one sausage.
– No hound will be obliged to share their sausage with ANYONE.
– Pork production will be heavily subsidised.
– Our 6 civic holidays will be replaced with 6 civic WORKDAYs. The rest of the year will consist of holidays, so everyone will be free to spend their time at home with their hounds.
– Squirrels will be outlawed.
– Cats will not be permitted unless they are old and weak.
– Our border defenses will be strengthened by stationing basset hounds at every checkpoint. When intruders approach they will be greeted with a loud “ROROOOOOROOOOOROOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!” and will run away in fear.
– All street furniture of the bench type – including bus stop benches – will be replaced with comfy couches and easy chairs, and hounds will be allowed to sit on them as much as they like.
– Car travel will not be allowed, unless it is to take your hounds to visit family or to a big park.
– Thus leashes will no longer be needed except in dire emergencies.
– Veterinary care will be covered by OHIP. However, veterinarians will no longer be permitted to give hounds needles or take their temperature.
– Our current tax system will be scrapped and replaced with a flat tax system: one sausage per person per year must be remitted to the Canada Revenue Agency. Of these 30 million sausages, 75% will go to Gus, and 25% to Madeline. Other hounds may apply for grants of sausages, but only in cases of dire need, such as not having eaten in two hours.
– Each breakfast must be followed by another breakfast, which must be followed by another, and another, at the individual hound’s discretion.
– All parking lots will be replaced with parks.
– Capital punishment will be re-introduced – but only for the crime of hound abuse.
– People who don’t like dogs will be offered opportunities for re-education. Those who fail to develop a hound-loving perspective will be deported to America.
Hounds of the world: unite! You have nothing to lose but your leashes!